|“I struggle with ______.”
Olakitan Delano (14)
Gloria reflecting on her disorder in a mental hospital
How are you to deal with _______ in the world? I don’t mention my disorder by giving it a power of a name even though it can be more powerful than a name or even so life itself.
Well that’s what I say to my therapist. I guess I tell him what he wants to hear.
‘I am doing great.’ ‘So much better’ ‘This place is really helping’
Keep him happy, keep them happy. I know exactly what to say to and to see their puffy-eyed spirit-driven faces transform into a smile of hope and beams of sunshine. Priceless.
I wouldn’t mind tellin’ them how my _____ really is.
IN A BABY TALK VOICE
But why crush their gullible faces, there’s no need for that.
Back in a normal tone
I even find it fun to lie; to pull an invisible blanket of power over whoever without a soul knowing. It is all just playful. Nothing more. That’s a lie.
You see it is a struggle. Not for me it comes fairly easily for me, not so much for others though, trying to deal with my ______.
causally pulls wine bottle from under bed
I must admit it goes over my head occasionally. Another lie. It always goes over my head. That’s why they sent me here to this hellhole!
Something they can’t control but it’s my problem but why does one say ‘be yourself’ but an ounce of difference and they throw you in a looney bin and bury the key.
LOOKS UP AT A POSITIVE POSTER, SAYS IN GRADUALLY GETTING SADDER TONE
Generic. Basic. Maybe I lie to be different, that’s one of their theories. I believe it. Lie. I don’t believe a single word of it. You think I enjoy being called a liar. Deceptor.fibber.back-stabber. It hurts you know. That’s not a lie. It hurts.